just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
