sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
