you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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