I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
