i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
