I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it hurts more in the daytime
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
