Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
