Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
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i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
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Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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