Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
