What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
