i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
