Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
