Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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