I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
