Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
