Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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