I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
