you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
