I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
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Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
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Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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