i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
