Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
