My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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