It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
third nipple confirmed
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
