apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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