They should really pass out barf bags in church
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
