I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
