I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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