what day is it and did you see me today?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We are all done wearing pants today
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
