I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just fell off a train. Bad.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
