No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
third nipple confirmed
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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