her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
