I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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