Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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