i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
