In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
only you would photoshop your dick
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
