dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize