the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Everclear isn't food dammit
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
