If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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