the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
