If that was your dad, he is hot
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
