Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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