You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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