Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
