Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
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Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
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i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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