he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
