i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
