i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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