I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
