can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
