the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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