you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
