Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
