My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
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sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
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do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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