I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
