Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
