I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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