Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's never too late to be topless.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize