She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Randomize
