I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
