His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
