its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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