i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
