I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
