Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
