I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
