i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
