just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
