dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
