i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
