if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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