whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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