She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
