i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
