They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
