I just cut my nipple shaving
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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