Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
