If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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